If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

The Diva Cup. I first heard about this crazy invention from a friend of mine a few months ago. Instead of using a tampon, you insert this cup, and it collects the blood. *blech* Supposedly, you don't have to change this as much because it holds more fluid and doesn't leak. It even measures the "output" for you, I guess in case you want to write about it on your blog or something. It's environmentally responsible because you just empty it, wash it out, and reinsert it. I don't know who invented this thing, nor do I care. What I want to know is, when does the insanity stop? When do we, as women, say "stop making new things for us to shove up our hoohas!"? Tampons, sex toys, speculums, and now this?

The first ones were made out of rubber/latex. Now, it's made from silicone. Does this mean if I want a boob job, I just yank out my Cup and stuff it into my bra? Shouldn't I wash it first? Do they come in two-packs? While we're on the subject of cleaning it, how clean is clean? Will Ivory soap do the job, or do I need to bust out the Lysol Tub & Tile Cleaner? Is this a one-size-fits-all kind of thing? What if it falls out while you're just walking along minding your own business? It's not quite like looking for your contact lens, is it?

Folks, there is only one thing that's meant to be put into a vagina, and there are only a handful of things that are meant to come out of it. Please quit giving us all these other options.